Bonus: Social Media Caption (for an NSFW Twitter/Reddit post) r/confession: My stepmom Mama Fiona is a size queen. I found her laminated "girth chart" in the garage. Instead of killing me, she made me sit on the bathroom floor while she measured me with a tailor's tape. Turns out I'm "ambulance-tier." She spent the weekend coaching me on technique so I "don't hurt anyone." I’m terrified and also strangely grateful. Send help. Or more lube.
You know how people say, "Be careful what you wish for"? mama fiona – your stepmom is a size queen
She stood up. Walked to her nightstand. Pulled out a bottle of silicone lube the size of a wine bottle. Dropped it in my lap. Bonus: Social Media Caption (for an NSFW Twitter/Reddit
I sat.
“Your dad won’t be back until Tuesday. We have three days. I’m going to teach you how to use that thing before you hurt some poor girl who doesn’t know any better.” Turns out I'm "ambulance-tier
Then she looked up.